The Last Four Years...

I remember when it started. I remember it was just over four years ago, and I was sitting on the big rock across the street from what was our home in Marysville. I remember looking at what was potentially going to be our new house. I remember thinking that finally, we had found the place that we were going to live. Finally, we had found our home.

We left Renton, Washington when I was about eight years old. I had lived there almost my entire life, except for one year that we lived in New York. I didn't want to leave, but I don't remember hating the idea so much because I thought that we would come back. We left for Georgia, but after six months there, my dad was transferred to California. So we moved there. After a while in an apartment in Ranchos Palos Verdes, we moved to our new house in Valencia. And we all loved it there. After we found our church, Placerita Baptist, I remember thinking that I hadn't felt so at home since we had left Washington, which by that time had been more than year ago. However, my dad still talked about going back to Washington some day so we could grow up knowing our grandparents well, and so he wouldn't have such a long commute. Besides those things, both my parents grew up in Washington and we already had so many good friends there. So a move would serve three fold.

Needless to say, after two and a half years living in California, when I found out that we were moving again, I was upset. I'm pretty sure I cried. I don't remember the day that we came back to Washington, but I remember the days following. We were constantly looking for a house, a church, and probably tons of other stuff too. Finally, we found our home, and as I was saying a minute ago, I was sure we would never move again. I was sure that was home. Shortly after we found our home, or maybe it was not so shortly, I don't remember, we found our church, Coram Deo Fellowship. I cannot even begin to tell you how many incredible people I met at that church. Coram Deo was probably the greatest church family that I have ever been in, and I've probably met more incredible people there than at just about any other church (and believe me, I've been to my fair share of churches.) God just used that church to bless me and my family so much!

I was so sad six months ago when I had to leave Washington for Japan, however, I looked forward to what I thought would be six months later, when we would move back to Washington. But I don't think any other sadness of moving even compares to the sadness that I felt about three months ago when I found out that we are not moving back to Washington, but to South Carolina instead. I guess it's because I just don't want to leave all the wonderful things that God has taught me these past four years behind. Maybe it's because I don't want to forget any of the memories, or lose friendships with people who I met in Washington. But looking back, I see how incredibly blessed these past four years have been. And even if I do have to leave everything in Washington behind, I wouldn't trade this time for anything. I've spent some incredible time with my best friend, Haley, who has been the greatest and even puts up with all my excessive moving :), I have spent some great time with my grandparents, met other amazing people, been challenged in different ways, and most importantly, I have grown closer to my amazing God then I think I would have anywhere else. He truly did have the perfect timing and the perfect plan.

Also, a special shout out to everyone at Coram Deo Fellowship and to the Frye family and everyone at Lynnwood Apologetics group, as those things have been two great blessings during this time. I think God has taught me more these four years than just about any other time of my life.

It's funny to me now that I thought when I was sitting on that rock, that I had finally found my home. Because no matter how 'comfortable' the world is, it will NEVER be my home. I have a home waiting, but it's in Heaven. One of my favorite verses is Hebrews 11:13-16, "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country-- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them."

And so now, as I sit in my bedroom in Japan and look out the window into the city, I realize that I'm only about a month away from closing this chapter of my life, too, and only about two and a half months away from moving to South Carolina. And as I think about all this, I can't help but be excited to see what God has planned for these next four years.

On a Hill Far Away

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suffering and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

O that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,
Has a wondrous attraction for me;
For the dear Lamb of God left his glory above
To bear it to dark Calvary.

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For 'twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.

To that old rugged cross I will ever be true,
Its shame and reproach gladly bear;
Then he'll call me some day to my home far away,
Where his glory forever I'll share.

Yes, I'll cling to the old rugged cross... For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above... to pardon and sanctify me.

If the Gospel Is Boring, What Is a Cause for Excitement?

“If [the gospel] is dull, then what, in Heaven's name, is worthy to be called exciting? The people who hanged Christ never, to do them justice, accused him of being a bore-- on the contrary, they thought him too dynamic to be safe.”


~ Dorothy Sayers

Where is the Cross?

Recently in World Literature, we read the story "The Mansion" by Henry Van Dyke. For those of you not familiar with this work, it is about a very wealthy man named John Weightman. He gives, and gives, and gives to many different charity organizations. This seems noble enough, yes? Until one reads further and Mr. Weightman proudly states that he has given and 'invested' his gifts into organizations that he is sure will more than pay him back, through either prestige or admiration or respect or something of that sort. One night, he has a dream. He dreams that he died and went to Heaven. When he gets there, he meets many other people who are also preparing to see their mansions. Among them is a widow with several children whom she raised in purity and love; a nurse who took care of cancer patients; a teacher whose whole life was dedicated to training his pupils to grow to be strong men; a doctor who could have had a brilliant career but gave it all up to work as a medical missionary in Africa; a gorgeous girl who gave up her desire to marry so she could care for her hurting father; a poet who worked merely to cheer people; and a lady who, although an invalid most of her life, had but one goal that she accomplished-- giving others a sense courage and love from being around her; and others who had had the one pure ambition of pleasing Christ.
Although Mr. Weightman believes that the good these people did is of some impact, he is sure that none of them can compare to the great things HE has done. So one by one, all the people are shown their beautiful mansions. Finally, it is just Mr. Weightman who has not yet seen his mansion. When he reaches his 'mansion' he is sure that there has been an error. It is not so much a mansion as... well, as a hut. Here is the conversation that ensues:

"'But how could such a house be prepared for me,' cried the man [John Weightman] with a resentful tremor in his voice-- 'for me, after my long and faithful service? Is this a suitabel mansion for one so well known and devoted? Why is it so pitifully small and mean? Why have you not built it large and fair, like the others?'
'That is all the material you sent us.'
'What!'
'We have used all the material that you sent us,' repeated the Keeper of the Gate.
'Now I know that you are mistaken,' cried the man, with growing earnestness, 'for all my life long I have been doing things that must have supplied you with material. Have you not heard that I have built a school-house; the wing of a hospital; two-- yes, three-- small churches, and the greater part of a large one, the spire of St. Petro--'
The Keeper of the Gate lifted his hand.
'Wait,' he said; 'we know all these things. They were not ill done. But they were all marked and used as foundation for the name and mansion of John Weightman in the world. Did you not plan them for that?'
'Yes,' answered the man, confused and taken aback, 'I confess that I thought often of them in that way. Perhaps my heart was set upon that too much. But there are other things-- my endowment for the college-- my steady and liberal contributions to all the established charities-- my support of every respectable--'
'Wait,' said the Keeper of the Gate again. 'Were not all these carefully recorded on earth where they would add to your credit? They were not foolishly done. Verily, you ahve had your reward for them. Would you be paid twice?'
'No,' cried the man, with deepening dismay, 'I dare not claim that. I acknowledge that I considered my own interest too much. But surely not altogether. You have said that these things were not foolishly done. They accomplished some good in the world. Does not that count for something?'
'Yes,' answered the Keeper of the Gate, 'it counts in the world-- where you counted it. But it does not belong to your here...'"

How powerfully this speaks! Although I know that God does not need our money to build a mansion in Heaven, I really don't believe that this is the point of the story. The them of this story (stated as a question) is : What motivates you to do the things you do? What is the motivation for the actions you take? You could be the most giving, mature, kind, patient, and loving person in the world-- but if you were not doing these things for God's glory, aren't they useless? Isn't any work that we do apart from God's grace of no use? Think about it. Our patience, if used for our own glory and not for the glory of God who has changed our hearts, can quickly become something that makes us proud. Our giving could either be for God's glory, or for our own: so that we are praised, recognized, and shamelessly promoted.

Recently I've been challenged with this. Having character is not just doing what is right; it is doing what is right simply because I love the Lord with my whole heart. It is doing what is right not because anyone else will ever know about it, but because the Lord sees everything I do. It is doing right because I have my eyes fixed on Jesus and what He did on the cross.

I want to quote the final section of Mr. Weightman's dream before He awakens.
"'But how have I failed so wretchedly,' he asked, 'in all the purpose of my life? What could I have done better? What is it that counts here?'
'Only that which is truly given,' answered the bell-like voice. 'Only that good which is done for the love of doing it. Only those plans in whcih the welfare of others is the master thought. Only those labors in which the sacrifice is greater than the reward. Only those gifts in which the giver forgets himself.'"

If I am not willing to forget myself, follow Jesus, and take up my cross; I am not worthy to be His disciple. Anything that I don't do with my mind on Jesus' cross, I am doing wrong.